It is said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
And it is something all mothers would agree with because motherhood definitely doesn’t come with an instructional manual, does it?
I experienced the first change when I was 6 weeks pregnant and was flying to Assam. I went to the extent of putting a small travel pillow between my tummy and the seat belt. It was the first time I ever felt so protective of someone I hadn’t even met yet. That’s the magic of motherhood. This phase brought with a change which nothing else in my life could ever have: eating right, eating on time, walking, exercising. Woah, the things we do for our children.
As my pregnancy progressed, I was in no hurry to meet my baby, I wanted him to take his own time and enter the World (do I sound heartless?? Maybe I do but I am not the one to rush headlong into something. We waited until my due date, well almost, Cookie was born exactly one day before the expected due date.
When my journey with Lil Cookie began, I wasn’t really clueless, I had a lot of support groups (not trying to be complacent). I knew a lot of things, I expected certain things to go a certain way which, to be honest, was very helpful. It kept my depression at bay for the longest time.
Being a new mother is the most emotional roller coaster ride a girl goes through. The first few days are the most challenging, she doesn’t know or understand the myriad of emotions that she goes through. On one hand, she is happy to see the bundle of joy that she has nurtured inside her for 9 months, and on the other hand, she has absolutely no time for herself (not even in the washroom). Everyone around her expects her to accept this naturally but only she knows it ain’t easy! How do you accept that you can’t eat in peace or not even wash your hair? Things that came naturally to one is not so “natural” anymore?
But time passed by and the acceptance seeped in. I became fiercely protective of the tiny person who I loved unconditionally. I may have eaten only junk to satiate my hunger but the mini Me was well fed. I may have spent sleepless nights only to ensure that the sleepy dust was sprinkled on my baby.
As Mothers say, days are longer than years. This is exactly what I have experienced in the last 1 year, 1 month and 19 days! Every single day has seem endless and yet one year has passed by in a blink of an eye!
HOW DID I CHANGE????
- I have become more patient: Oh yes, this definitely tops the chart. Imagine how tough the life of a baby is, he can’t even express what he wants. All he can do is cry. How can you but not become patient?? Learn the different cues, understand and interpret them. It really helps!
- I have become more positive: I have always been a very very positive person but motherhood has taught me to take the positives out of every single incident. I celebrate my baby’s potty (see that’s called being positive)
- I have become more giving: all relationships are based on a balance between giving and taking. Cookie has taught me how to give without the expectations of receiving something in return (isn’t that also being positive?)
- I have learnt how to accept me as me! Oh and that’s huge, trust me. Out of all the transformations, a mother goes through, physical one is the one which is most visible and also superficial. Try telling a woman who has a 10 months old baby that she is beautiful and the reply would be,”But I am not the same”. Yes, we change. Puffy eyes, swollen face, tangled hair, unshaven legs and arms and not to forget the bulging tummy. Yes, I’ve got it all but I am not ashamed of it. I have a childhood to enjoy and cherish and watch as a baby grows every day. The physical changes are too trivial to worry about.
- Never be ashamed to ask for support. At times, I have felt and behaved like I am a superwoman but I have realised that there is nothing wrong with admitting you need support and help. About a month back, I had a terrible headache and it was the onset of fever. I managed the entire day till I couldn’t do it anymore and had to call my husband home to take over baby duties.
- Till Cookie started crawling, I used to crave for human interaction. Nope, I didn’t want intellectual talks. I just wanted someone to hear me out, someone to tell me that I was doing a good job. I missed meeting people. And BOOM, a crawling baby enters the scene. Now, I am never alone: not while I am brushing my teeth or taking a bath or using the washroom. I’ve always got company!
- I have realised my job comes after my baby. Yes, I was a very career oriented person. But I gave it up to enjoy my baby’s childhood. I can resume my profession once he is grown up but what about his childhood?? Will I ever be able to relive it?
- Fear of failure: Sometimes, I feel like a failure. When I see Mothers all around doing so many things, I feel as if I haven’t done anything for Cookie at all.
- I feel lonely at times: After having worked for 8 years, being a SAHM has its own disadvantages. There are days when everything around seems dark and negative. Those are the days when I feel lonely and all alone in this journey.
- I miss being Me: I often dream of those days when I was a carefree bird when I could have my tea hot and could take long showers, when I could go to the parlour anytime and could listen to music loud even in the bathroom.
Having said all this, there is nothing that I cherish more than motherhood. In the end, it is all worth it. The moment I see Cookie flash a smile to me is all I need to melt away, to get rid of my worries and to feel blessed for having being given this joy of experiencing motherhood.
Do you have a story to share? Would love to hear your one as well.
The Blog Train
This post is part of a blog train started by Pooja Kawatra of Mums & Babies and she has networked to bring together 41 moms across the globe. Meet all 41 moms here. Pooja has also shared her own views on motherhood here.
Thank you Sharvi for introducing me.
Her mantra: We women are strong, beautiful, versatile and resilient and should always support each other without judgement!